Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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