i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
