ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
