Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
