I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
