So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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