Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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