You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
