I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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