I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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