I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
