I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
