and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
