Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I queefed so loud it echoed.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
