so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
