awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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