Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
