Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
