You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
