I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
