Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
