i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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