When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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