You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
