His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
