literally had 100 drinks last night.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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