It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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