We won't sleep together?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
