I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
