I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There's always time for handjobs
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
