Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You work out of a Hotel?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
