i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
