Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
