Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
