so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
