our cab driver is having phone sex.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
