I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
