there's paper in my vomit.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize