There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
