**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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