you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
