Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
