There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
