The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
How's work?
Spinning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
