He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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