im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
