guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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