Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We're hate flirting, damnit.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
