i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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