Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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