toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
