why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
