I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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