I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize