My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize