dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
