I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
