i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We left an ass print on the piano.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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