ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
