Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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