i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
