those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
