Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Randomize
