how can u be prego again
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's official drugs can't kill me
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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