make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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