Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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