3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
MIDGETS
????
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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